The grand purpose of a gentleman is to excel in the company of others. The drawing-room is the site of his grandeur, and conversation is the means of his distinction. In a firm, no one is “free,” yet everyone is “equal.” As a result, everyone you meet should be treated with respect, even if their interests may mandate different levels of attention. It is impolite to refuse any of the invitee’s guests. You should sanction those whom she has honored by inviting to her home by accepting them to your acquaintance.
If you encounter someone you’ve never met before, you may speak with him with complete discretion. That form of “introduction” is nothing other than a mutual friend’s declaration that two gentlemen are suitable acquaintances for one another based on status and manners. All of this could be inferred from the fact that they both meet in a nice residence. This really is the theory behind the situation. However, custom dictates that you really should take advantage of the next available opportunity to be frequently introduced to such an individual.
Conversation is a terrific way to do business in a group. It should be regarded as a work of art. Conversational style is just as important as writing style and is just as cultivable. Whatever gives things their importance is the way they are said.
Constant and unwavering concentration is the most critical requirement for success here. Being “always attentive to the business of the scene,” as Churchill put it on the stage, is also the most important quality in a corporation. Your understanding, like your person, should be prepared at all times. Never enter society with your mind in a state of disarray. Being completely absent or disorganized is fatal to success. It’s been claimed that the key to discussion is to expand on your conversation partner’s statement.
It is a mistake to believe that conversation consists solely of talking. What’s more important is to listen quietly. Mirabeau once remarked that in order to achieve in life, you must be willing to be taught many things you don’t understand by people who don’t know anything about them. Flattery is the most direct route to success, and listening is the most polished and pleasant complement you can give. “Conversational wit consists more in discovering it in others than in demonstrating a large deal yourself,” says La Bruy,re, “and he who leaves your talk delighted with himself and his own wit is very well pleased with you.” Just about all men would rather please you than appreciate you, and would like to be approved and cheered rather than commanded. The greatest subtle joy is to make someone else happy.”
It is obviously acceptable to persuade others of your abilities. But the best way to give a man of your own persuasion is to be completely impressed with his ideas.
Patience is a powerful social force. Listening, waiting, and growing tired are all parts of good fortune.
If a foreigner attends a dinner party or a small evening gathering and does not speak the language spoken, good manners dictates that the discussion be conducted solely in his language. Even among your closest friends, never address somebody in a language that the others don’t understand. It’s the equivalent of whispering.
Never inquire about a private issue that is not understood by others, such as how that thing is progressing, etc., to anybody in the company. By doing so, you’re implying that the rest are excessive. If the subject allows it, always describe the business about that you are inquiring to anyone if the subject allows it.
If you continue any earlier discussion with a visitor upon their arrival, you must always communicate the matter to the visitor.
If there is somebody you don’t know in the company, be cautious about letting off any epigrams or charming little sarcasms. On halters, you could be extremely humorous to a man whose father had been hanged. The first requirement for a good dialogue is a thorough understanding of your company.
Another similar principle to follow is not to talk too much when you do converse. If you amuse him while wounding him in the nicest point, his self-love, you need not raise yourself much more in the perspective of another. A steady flow of wit is immensely tiring to the listeners, aside from aggravating vanity. A smart man is a pleasant acquaintance, but a tedious companion. “The company’s wit, next to the company’s butt,” Mrs. Montagu remarks, “is the meanest person in it.” The great responsibility of discourse is to follow suit, like in whist: if the elder hand plays the deuce of diamonds, do not allow his next neighbor play the king of hearts, for his hand is full of honours. I despise it when a witticism wins all the tricks in conversation.”
Always look at the person you’re speaking to, and if there are multiple people present, devote some aspect of your speech, such as a story or statement, to each one personally in turn. This was Sheridan’s great key to his seductive demeanor. He didn’t have a lot of catchphrases.
It is essential for dialogue to be up to date on current events as well as historical events from the last few years. Being so far behind the rest of the world on such topics is inconvenient.
